Where Has Our Compassion Gone?

Yesterday's news about Michelle Duggar having a miscarriage in her 2nd trimester was very sad to hear.  As bad as that news was, it was quickly followed by hateful, mean-spirited, and extremely rude comments against her, her husband, and their family.

The fact that they have 19 children and this would have been 20 cannot be ignored.  Other facts that cannot be ignored is that the practice of their religion has them put the number of children they have in God's hands, they are not on welfare or other assistance, and they are able to financially support the whole family.  If you have ever seen the show, ALL children receive plenty of attention from mom and dad.

What this story did, however, was show how cruel we can be.  The comments were horrible.  Here are a few:

These people are truly stupid! This woman is going to kill herself trying to have a thousand kids

Great news she miscarried.

 

She is only upset because of the extra money she is losing out on by not having another child

 

There were, however, a few compassionate people out there with similar comments to this one:

 

It doesn't matter how many children they have decided to have, at this moment they lost a baby that they loved. They suffered a lost, everything else is irrelevant right now..

 

or this one:

 

I'm willing to bet not one of her 19 children would spew the venom that Ive read on this thread if any of you had lost a baby.Makes you wonder whose parents should have taken birth control...

 

The vast majority of comments were cruel and uncalled for.  Those who showed compassion were quickly attacked.  It seems to be the way, now days.  Especially in the world of Facebook-style relationships.  We use this wonderful tool to keep in touch with old friends and maybe even make new ones.  Yet, when a discussion thread grows legs and opposing views are stated, people lose all sense of decorum and say things that I absolutely know they would not say to the person to their face.  We like to hide behind the safety of animosity and our computer screen.  I see things said that would never be said in decent society...if that even exists anymore.

 

This is not something that happens only with the Duggars.  I see it all the time in the comments below news articles.  Whether it be about a child abuse scandal, someone arrested, or a sports icon trying to make a comeback.  We, as a society and an educated people, have forgotten how to wish someone well.  We no longer believe in innocent until proven guilty.  Instead, we try, judge, and convict as soon as the allegation is made. 

 

What happened to us?  Where did our compassion go?  What happened to being sad when someone loses their baby...whether is is #1 or #20?  What happened to hoping someone learned their lesson and can become a better person?  Maybe that is why so many young people are so messed up.  They have never seen compassion, so how can they have any?  We look at the person holding the sign that says, "My family is starving, please help.  God Bless You!" with disdain and contempt and say under our breath..."Go get a job".  Not realizing they may have had a very good job that they were laid off from and can't get one now because they are "over qualified".  Or the two jobs they are working still can't pay the rent.

 

I urge you, not just during this Christmas season, but always, to look at those who have been struck by misfortune or adversity with a little more compassion.  Soften your comments as you post or speak to someone.  There is a way to bring peace around us...and it starts with one person...you!

 

God Bless you all and have a very Merry Christmas!!

Another Second Chance Denied

Some time ago, I asked the question, "When DO you deserve a second chance?"  At the time, I was reflecting on all of the hateful comments being made about Michael Vick and his comeback in the NFL.  If you remember, some things being said about him were so bad as to wish him great bodily harm or even death.

This time, it seems that Tiger Woods is the recipient of all the ill-will.  You see, it seems he won a tournament this past weekend, the first for him in about two years.  If you haven't heard, he cheated on his wife, who then divorced him, and his career took a severe slide as he tried to get his act together.

Now, it would appear, instead of people wishing him well now that he may have put his demons behind him, they are calling him names and saying he doesn't deserve a second chance.  That may be true with his former wife, but this is a sport folks.  No one is saying that what he did to his ex-wife was acceptable, but let's allow the man to pick up the mess he made and get back to business.

It reminds me of the zero-defect policies the Army had for many years.  One mistake and you could lose your career.  No more DUIs or fights or anything that would have, for Soldiers in years past, simply been part of maturing and growing up.  An officer getting a DUI had just ended his career.  A Soldier getting into a fight at the club could expect to be sent packing.  I have known a few, very good Sergeants Major in the Army who had been demoted almost as many times as they had been promoted.  By being allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, they had become great leaders.

The same goes for those who are in the spotlight.  No one liked what Michael Vick did.  So now, let's use his lessons and let him move on, using his path as an example to those behind him who look up to him as a quarterback.  Let him teach them that dogfighting and criminal activity is not the path to follow.  Let him also show him that you can pay the price, make amends, and become a better person.  Tiger Woods doesn't need to apologize to me...I wasn't married to him.  Let him try to heal the wounds with his ex-wife and then be an example to those who look up to him.  Let him show kids that you can work through adversity and still become something.  We need to stop showing our youngsters that no matter what you do, once you make a mistake, you will forever be labeled.

Forgiveness is a trait that is far too often left behind.  Compassion needs to be given freely.  It is time to look at someone who made a mistake and is trying to make things better and wish them the best.

Child Pornography... a Thought Crime?

I was reading an a story about the professor who was seen viewing images of 5-10 year-old children nude or performing sex acts.  After reading the article I did what I always do, read through the comments posted by readers.  That is usually where the most interesting stuff is anyway.  Unfortunately, it is also where you can often see the worst our society has to offer.

This is a verbatim comment by a poster: 

Child pornography possesion is a thought crime. I realize i'll be called a pedophile for that comment but i'm sorry. It makes no logical legal or constitutional sense to imprison someone for possesing pictures.

Obviously, the comments that followed were not kind at all.  However, I must admit to having pondered a moment on his comment and the logic he was using.  He did continue by saying that if he was abusing children, then OK, he should be dealt with.  But if his only "crime" was possessing some pictures, then we probably have better things to do with our efforts.  His argument, as well as a couple of other comments, is interesting.

One person commented by saying, "How do we take the physical liberty away from someone who has not taken the physical liberty away from another?"  As I understood him, how do we put this guy in jail just for looking at some pictures.  He didn't produce the pictures or abuse the children.  I am sure this poster was strictly commenting on the pure legal technicalities.  Would that be comparable to arresting a kid who has a bottle of liquor in his hands but the seal is still intact and there is no alcohol on his breath?

It was an interesting way to look at actions which most decent people would automatically condemn.  I do not, in any way, think that the posters were condoning such pictures, they were just looking at the fine lines, I believe, that may exist there. 

Personally, I am of the mind that if the pictures exist, they had to have been created somehow, so therefore a child was abused to do so.  Much like mainstream pornography.  Every one of those men and women in the porn world are some one's brother, sister, even mom or dad.  I know, many of them choose that life and love it...but those children didn't.  So by having those pictures, you create a demand.  By purchasing porn, you create a demand.

I understand the poster's comment and I appreciate the view and the thoughtful moments it caused me.  But I do, wholeheartedly, Mr. realtalker1, disagree with you.

Loose Lips...

I read a story today about how Hezbollah had captured or killed many CIA operatives and had badly crippled the CIA's abilities in Lebanon.

As bad as that is, that isn't the worst part of it.  The worst part is that we are our worst enemies.  The CIA acknowledged the damage...something you never do.  NEVER let your enemy know they were successful.  Of course, they were "anonymous sources not authorized to speak on such issues".  Isn't that always how it is?

Then, the story went on to explain just how it had been done!!!  We have no covert operations anymore.  Everything is there for the world to know about.  As a matter of fact, just the other night, during one of the Republican Debates, those running were discussing what covert operations they would do if elected!  Really?!?!?  You can't have "covert" operations if you are talking about them!  What happened to the CIA being a "secretive" organization?  Remember when we didn't really know about Seal Teams and Delta Force?  No wonder we had such horrible intelligence about Iraq.

It never ceases to amaze me at how easy we make it for our enemies to collect information on us.  All the specifications for a new weapon are on the Internet.  The strengths of our units, the problems and the vulnerabilities of our military.  Even what we are doing in different parts of the world.

There is a time and a place for the public to know what their government is doing.  I would argue, though...that with the way the world is today...the time and place for sacrificing security for a right to know...has not come.

Keep in your prayers, all the men and women in our Intelligence agencies who are put at risk every day by those in our government too stupid to keep their mouths shut.

I Can Officially Stop Parenting

Now that the Government has decided that the HPV vaccine is to be mandatory for boys as well as girls, I guess I can stop making parenting decisions.  It would appear that the Government has taken me out of the equation as an unnecessary and incompetent decision maker.

Let me make this part clear.  I am NOT against the HPV vaccine nor is this about whether or not it is a good or useful or safe vaccine.  My daughter received this vaccine after much research and discussion with her and her doctor.  She received it as a precaution against cervical cancer, which is originally why it was recommended for girls.  Now, it is being pushed as a protective measure against certain STDs, which is an assumption that my daughter is going to be sexually active.

The real heartburn I have with the mandatory use of this vaccination for girls in some states and the recommended (read-soon to be mandatory) for boys, is that this vaccination is for a medical issue that is caused by a choice.

Unlike the past vaccinations for polio or smallpox, which were mandated to wipe out diseases that were extremely contagious or were contracted without certain behaviors, the HPV vaccine prevents ailments contracted by personal choices or actions.

I, as a parent, should be able to decide if my child receives this vaccine, just like a flu shot.  If I am teaching my children about morals and that sexual activity needs to wait for marriage, I don't need the government telling me that my child "is going to do it anyway", so I must vaccinate.  I don't need to protect the girls at school from my son with a shot.  I will protect them by teaching him about premarital sex.  The same goes for my daughters.  If I think the vaccine is good for them, I will get it based on our doctor's recommendation, not because I am forced to.

We, as parents, need to speak out against all this government interference in raising our children.  It is bad enough they have tied our hands behind our backs when it comes to discipline and decided for us when and how our children should be taught about sex.  Now they want to make medical decisions for us, sometimes without our knowledge.  If you want to raise your children the way you think is proper, be a voice against government mandating so much in our childrens' lives.

What is The Meaning of Love?

The other day, my wife, Selena, picked up the latest copy of Real Simple magazine while we were at the grocery store.  At home, as she paged through it, she found an essay contest and suggested that I enter it.  After all, how hard could it be and the prize was $3,000!  After looking at the dates of the contest (May 3, 2011-September 15, 2011) we decided that wouldn't work.  We bought the magazine on September 15, a few minutes before the deadline ended.  Selena  said she had never even seen the contest in earlier magazines, but here the September issue had the contest, which ended that month.  Anyway...I digress...horribly.

The essay contest was "When did you first understand the meaning of love"?  We talked about it for awhile.  Most people may say it was their first love in school, maybe a religious experience, or something with their spouse.  My thoughts first went to my wife.  Did she help me to first understand the meaning of love?  Perhaps how she treats me on a daily basis, how she fixes me a lunch for work, or even how she treats our children.  Mothers often display so many wonderful forms of love, that it should be easy to understand love through them.  But alas, my thoughts went to another fine woman.

I had been driving home with a friend from Washington, D.C. after a business trip and we stopped at a Cracker Barrel for lunch.  We had finished eating and I decided to stop in the restroom before we continued our drive home.  As I entered, I was met with the sounds of people talking and the most horrible bathroom smell you can imagine.  Without being overly descriptive, I mean the outhouse type of a smell.  In one of the stalls, two pair of feet were visible...one male, one female.  These feet were those of an elderly couple.  It was obvious, by the words I heard from the lady, that the man had had a terrible accident.  She was cleaning him up and, it appeared to me, trying to console him a little bit.  After all, I am sure the man was embarrassed and felt a bit of humiliation.

This woman was taking care of her husband in the truest fashion of "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse".  She understood what love meant!!!  She knows what love is...that it is an ACTION VERB, not a noun.  You have to DO love, not be in love, or feel love.  As badly as I felt for that elderly man, I was so happy for him and proud of that woman.  He had a wonderful partner in his life who obviously loved him greatly.

That day, I was able to put aside my having to deal with the "environment" of that bathroom and just be amazed at that display of love.  I think I understand love now...and what unconditional love really is.

Back to School-Continuing Abdication!

Between my three boys, I have signed close to 20 separate pieces of paper during this first week of school.  These range from emergency notification cards (two are in the same school as last year) to letters explaining plagiarism and the punishment for it.

Now.  Some of these have their purpose, quite obviously.  Though two boys are still at the same school, it is important that the school has the most updated information.  We may have gotten a new phone number or maybe I need a new person to be able to pick them up from school.  I have no issue with being involved in my oldest son's desire to drop one class for another and it requiring my signature.  Where I have issue, is when I have to sign so that the school can place responsibility on me...and take none themselves.

What do I mean by that?  Well, as has happened before, if I have signed a paper attesting that I have read the student handbook for the school and what disciplines can/will be used for my child, then I cannot disagree/argue with the school about what they are planning to do to my child.  In this case, the school has used my signature and knowledge of the handbook to abdicate any responsibility they have to administer punishment by using any sort of a system of justice other than zero tolerance or the "same for everyone" approach.  They will not look at two students and judge them based on the individual.  They will punish the first time offender the same as the thug kid.

Our children are also taught that they are irresponsible and untrustworthy until the school no longer has jurisdiction over them (usually age 18 or graduation).  When I was in school, we signed out for our dentist appointment and then walked out to Mom's car.  Now...I have to first sign in as a visitor to walk ten feet down the hallway to the Dean's office, sign out my child, and then bring back proof that I actually took him to the dentist.  I cannot send a note to school, have him meet me at the door with my truck running, and go to the appointment.  And yet, we wonder why our children don't know what to do on their own, why they need so much guidance to do the simplest tasks that we did as kids because we had learned to be independent.

It just seems obvious that with every piece of paper I sign for my boys, the more the school is letting me know that if something happens, they will simply say, "It was in the handbook" or "Didn't you sign the letter we sent home on unexcused absences"?  Why yes I did, isn't being sick with Mono an excused absence?

Before I get of my soapbox, has anyone else had a problem with giving their children medications at school?  I remember going to my grade school secretary for an aspirin.  Now, I can't even send Tylenol to school with my son to give to the nurse without a document from his doctor stating that he can take it.  And don't you dare give your child chap stick!!!!  Oh my!!!  That could be dangerous to other kids!!  Yeah...only if he jammed it in the kid's eye!!

This year, for the first time in over 20 years of having kids in school...I am joining the PTA.  Someone has to stand up and say ENOUGH!!!  We need to get rid of stupid rules and a lack of common sense in schools and make the teachers and administrators take some of the responsibility back for teaching our kids that they have been so eager to abdicate.

Time To Let Go and Let Them Grow...

In one week my little girl will head off to college.  It seems like just yesterday she was that sweet little girl in her cheerleader outfit or her Girl Scout uniform.  Now she is all grown up and wanting to spread her wings...wanting to go out on her own, but still wanting Dad to do some of the heavy lifting for her.

I had a chance to talk with her last night about my concerns for her at college.  I hope you will share some of these things with your new college student, if you have one.

I told her that I knew she was going to drink alcohol in college because that is what happens at college.  I wasn't giving her my approval, just facing reality.  I warned her of the pitfalls (first don't get caught underage), such as how alcohol can sneak up on you, don't drink and drive, etc.  But the most important, I think, that my dad shared with me before I left for the Army, was never ever leave your drink unattended.  You never know what may be dropped into it and that is when you hear about a date-rape or some young person dying from some chemical.

I also made sure she kept in mind to never travel alone, especially at night.  Always walk with someone.  She took a moment to remind me that she IS afraid of the dark and would, therefore, never walk across campus in the dark alone.

The most important point I made to her is that she should have fun at college and experience the things around her.  Don't forget her purpose, but have fun.  I know she will be successful in whatever she does.  I just worry about my little girl like all dads do.

So, send your kid off to college with a hug, maybe a tear or two.  Keep them in your prayers and let them know they can always call you for advice...just don't expect them to always follow it.

Selena and I Go To Washington!

My wife, Selena, and I had the honor of an audience with Senator John Thune, R-SD this past Wednesday (July 20).  When I had originally asked to speak with him, we were given 30 minutes to speak with him.

With great anticipation, I prepared for the meeting by getting my issues together that I wanted to address:  Post 9-11 GI Bill, DOMA, and other military related topics.  We drove the 3 1/2 hours to Washington, DC for our meeting at 3:30pm.  We wisely parked outside the city and took the Metro to a stop near his office, putting us in his outer office at 3:20. 

At exactly 3:30, two of his staff came out and got us and we went into a conference room and began to brief them on our issues.  I have dealt with Senate staffers before, so I knew that talking to them was like talking to the Senator himself.  After a few minutes, Senator Thune came in the room.  The first thing I noticed was that he was very tall...and he smiles a lot.  Not a fake, politician smile, his comes across as genuine.

I quickly rehashed my first topic and he asked questions and we continued.  He showed genuine interest and never took his eyes off us as we spoke to him and shared our thoughts and concerns.  At one point, his secretary entered the room and, after excusing herself for the interruption, told him he had a phone call.  Without missing a beat or moving his eyes from us, he dismissed her with an "I'll be there in a minute".  Not once did he lose focus on the people he was there to talk to.  At that moment, no matter who was on that phone, we were what was important to him.  It really made us feel good, that he understood that we had traveled a long way to see him and we deserved his full attention.

About five minutes later, he said he better go, but not until after some pictures.  He was such a good person to talk to.  It was like sitting down with one of my brothers and telling him about my concerns.   We asked him to continue to keep up the pro-life fight to which he responded, and I quote, "That's a no-brainer".  After thanking him again, he left us to his staffer again who let us expand on our thoughts. 

We left that meeting floating on air with a feeling that our Senator had made us feel so important to his job and that he believed what we were saying was important.  I would love to see Senator Thune run for President someday.  I can guarantee him at least two votes.

Totally Different Books

After having a very heated discussion on gay marriage on one Facebook thread and a very respectful and adult discussion on another, I came to the realization that this topic cannot be discussed by people with differing opinions.  Not only are the two sides not on the same page, they aren't even in the same book!!!  Stay with me here...

Normally, in a discussion on gay marriage, the pro side says "Good for the gays"! and the con side says, "Bad for society/family"!  The discussion then turns into a slinging of names, accusations of homophobia, being judgemental, and hate, etc.  For the record, in EVERY one of my discussions, my dissenting opinion was attacked and I was called names.  I was chastised for not being tolerant, yet my view was not tolerated.

This issue has two distinct ways to look at it, in my opinion.  First, there is the secular side, secondly...there is the religious side.  Let's look at each one.

Gay marriage...secular sided:  When you look at gay marriage from a secular point of view, it is very hard to argue that it should not be allowed.  In fact, I am not sure I could come up with one.  Do two people of the same sex have the right to enter into a legal contract that will allow them to share medical benefits, property, and other legal stuff just like heterosexual couples can?  You bet!  I have no problem with two men or two women calling themselves a couple and having the other on their insurance or whatever.  I am not sure I see a lack of equality anywhere, since civil unions have been around in many states for quite a while, but yes; I do think that if a gay couple wants to enter into a civil union, they should be allowed to.  From a secular, contractual point of view, it is OK.  After all, all marriages start out downtown with a marriage license as a legal contract and are, in essence, nothing more than an agreement for the exchange of goods and services between the two parties who signed that contract. 

Gay Marriage...religion sided:  Here is where the big problem begins.  Most religions do not look at gay marriage as being proper.  I am going to speak from the Christian view since I am a Catholic.  Marriage, from a religious standpoint, is not simply looked at as a contract, but a sacred covenant between a man and a woman and God.  Before you get all excited, I understand that two men or two women can love each other just as strongly as a man and a woman can.  That is not what is at question. There are Biblical references to man and woman: The first to be quoted is always Genesis 1:27-28 to paraphrase, "He made them male and female and told them to be fruitful and multiply. There are also references to the sinfulness of homosexuality...not "being" homosexual, but acting on it. Leviticus 18:22 states, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; such a thing is an abomination.  Both of these quotes are from the Old Testament, so cannot be written off as strictly Christian rules.  There are many more references throughout the bible which condemn homosexual behavior, but not the homosexual. 

From a religious view, marriage exists for procreation, thus the reason the Catholic Church does not support birth control and especially abortion.  If you cannot (health issues aside) create children with a sexual act, the marriage is useless.  I will not go into sterile parents and other side issues here. 

The point is that you cannot have two men have sex and produce a child.  God's intent for marriage cannot be met.  Imagine if Adam and Eve had been Adam and Steve.  In a few years the human race would have been gone.  Sex is not meant to be a recreational sport but to be a unifying act between a husband and wife...an act of intimacy...that opportunity for the "two to become one".  Thus, many Christians are OK with there being civil unions for homosexual couples, allowing them to have the same secular rights as heterosexual couples.   However, it is when homosexual couples want that union to be called a marriage, or to be performed by a minister, that many Christians cry foul.

There is also the debate about the family structure and the need for both parents.  I do not believe that a child will do just as well with two dads or two moms as he/she would with one of each.  A girl needs a mother to learn girl stuff and a boy needs a father to learn boy stuff.  We have gender specific roles and ways we do things for a reason...because God wanted it that way.

You will notice that the number of words needed to support gay marriage in the secular sense was far less than the number used to show why, religiously, gay marriage should not be allowed.  As I said in the beginning, their really isn't an argument to be made against gay marriage if you look at it strictly from a secular view.  Yet there is a strong argument, with much Biblical and historical/societal reference to back the argument against.

I do not believe this is a topic that can ever be discussed without agreeing first about which side of the debate you are going to discuss...secular or religious.  And in order to have the debate from a religious standpoint, the person on the side of gay marriage should really be religious and believe in their faith.  Otherwise, it is a useless talk.

It Must Be Me!

Once again, a dissenting view on a topic has caused me to be accused of "bashing" someone.  I am a bit confused as to how a person, when presented with a comment, makes a statement contrary to that comment and is called names for their view.

People post many things on Facebook.  We tell people how we feel each day, how the weather is where we are, and sometimes even all the little, trivial things we need to get done that day.  Some even make statements that are political, religious, societal, or even all of those rolled into one.  Then, they are surprised when someone they are "friends" with, comments on that status with something not in line with their way of thinking.  Why do people make any statements if they are not actually looking for a reaction?  When we make the comment about how our cute kitty just caught its first bird, we are looking for comments.   It would seem to me that if you do not want anyone commenting on the status you just posted on a political issue, stick to the status that reads, "got up, ate cereal, lots of laundry to do before class".  Hard to get into a debate over that one!

I guess I am wondering when debate between sides went away and the dissenting side became "bashers".  Do they still have debate teams in high schools or are they "bashing" teams.  When candidates for the Presidency have debates, they disagree about the other person's view on different things but aren't considered to be bashing them.  Why has common disagreement over an issue become grounds for name calling.

Is there a standard protocol for Facebook?  Am I not allowed to comment on a friends post unless I agree with it?  Is Facebook, a social network, not the "proper place" for discussions concerning politics, religion, or societal issues?  If not on Facebook, where?

I have been called a "troll" because I comment on posts that strike me.  The accusation being that I do it just to make people angry.  Not true.  Usually, it is because I consider what the person has said to be flawed in some way...often times, just plain factually wrong.  So if I comment with the opposite view, isn't that allowed?  Is that why Facebook only has a "Like" button?

I enjoy good debate, discussion, argument, whatever you want to call it, on many topics.  Unfortunately, it seems most people want to place things in their statuses and then not have to defend their position.  So why put it there in the first place.  If that's the case, see suggested status above.

To me, Facebook is a place for a person to share as much of themselves as they want.  Anything from kids' activities, to relationship problems, to personal views, to how they felt about the American Idol results.  If you put it all out there, you have to be ready for someone to respond in a way you don't like.

I don't want all my friends to agree with me all the time.  Conversations get boring if there is no one to talk a differing opinion.  To my Facebook friends who think I'm nothing more than a troll and looking to pick a fight....I am sorry you feel that way, but I will not stop.  I would hope that you would engage in a meaningful discussion and keep the name calling for the playground.  I enjoy having all my Facebook friends that I have and hate losing any over disagreements on topics.  Sometimes, it is best to agree to disagree.

Does anyone else run into this problem?  If not...then it must be me.

The Tone of Voice

This poem was provided during a marriage seminar I attended.  It is a great reminder that it is not just the words we use with our spouses, our children, our friends, but also how we use those words.  It is so easy to slip into a voice that is too stern for what we are trying to convey to a child.  A well-intended comment to a child can sometimes come across as anything other than that...just by the tone of voice.  I battle this one often.  You want to simply tell a child "no", but it comes out worse.  You call them to supper and the child doesn't want to come because your voice has that "tone".  One of my children today was asked if he understood what I had just said.  He said yes so quietly I did not hear him.  When I asked again, he answered in such a way as to sound like he was telling me, "You fool, can't you hear me as I stand next to you?"  His tone to me was disrepectful, though I know he did not mean it that way.  Ironically, we were having a conversation about the tone of voice.  Please enjoy this poem....and be aware of your tone of voice.

THE TONE OF VOICE

Author Unknown

It's not so much what you say

As the manner in which you say it;

It's not so much the language you use

As the tone in which you convey it:

"Come Here," I sharply said,

And the child cowered and wept.

"Come Here," I said - -

He looked and smiled

And straight to my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair

And the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft as the summer air

But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind

Grow by study and art - -

But tone leaps from the inner self

Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,

Whether you mean or care,

Gentleness, kindness, love, and hate,

Envy, anger, are there.

Then, would you quarrels avoid

And peace and love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words --

Keep it out of your voice.

Best Memorial Day...EVER!!!

When I was growing up  in small-town South Dakota (yes, there are towns other than small), my mother would take me to the cemetery each year to place flowers on the graves of our family members and remember them.  I always enjoyed finding the ones with the little flags on them that were placed by the local American Legion.  We have had a lot of family serve our country.  Then, early on Memorial Day, we would travel to the two cemeteries in town for the small ceremonies conducted by the American Legion.  Of course, as a small boy, my favorite part was the 21-Gun-Salute...and I would help the men from the Legion pick up the bullets so they could use them again.

Over the years, I haven't made it to as many Memorial Day ceremonies as I would have liked to...or just flat out should have!  I went to one a couple of years ago with my kids and then yesterday, I went to the ceremony at the Hampton National Cemetery where my wife and the boys and I had helped place flags on the markers this past Friday.

Major General Longo from Ft. Monroe was the keynote speaker.  Instead of remembering only those who were gone and represented by the many marble stones that were in the field before us, he asked us to remember especially those who went off to war and did not die, yet still came home less than what they were when they left.  He share two stories with us, the most significant was the one he told about his father.

Lieutenant Colonel Longo had been a Chemical Officer in Vietnam.  He went away for one year, 1967-68.  When he returned, he was a very different man.  General Longo shared how his father would wake up every night for 34 years screaming that "she has a bomb, she has a bomb!"  He would not wake up until his wife would hit him hard enough to rouse him from his nightmare.  As General Longo stated, "this happened every night for 34 years until death mercifully freed him from his nightmare".  I can only imagine how difficult it was for his wife as well.  So now, Memorial Day has a new meaning for me.  We must not forget the unseen wounds that return from war or the families and friends of those service men and women who also often have to deal with the tragedies of war.

Colonel Reyes, at the Fort Monroe ceremony an hour later, was not the keynote speaker, but said words that meant so much more to me that I can't even remember the main idea of the keynote speaker's speech.  COL Reyes spoke about how the Memorial Day holiday has lost its meaning.  Years ago there were parades with military units, Veteran's organizations, and bands...lots of bands.  Now, most parades are gone...too "expensive" to organize and put on.  I can't imagine how expensive it could be to have people line up along a road and walk, but maybe I don't know all the details.  Plus, that would be inconvenient during a "long weekend".  As we sat at Continental Park, I remarked to my wife how it was unfortunate that the small crowd that was in attendance would be dwarfed by the crowd that will be there at the weekly concert by the TRADOC Band on Thursdays.  The crowd should have been just as large.

Now, Memorial Day is the "unofficial beginning of Summer".  It is when swimming pools open or the mall has a big sale.  It is a day when so many of the people of this great Nation forget what this day is really for.  I would like to applaud all my Facebook friends who DID remember what this day is about and posted appropriately.  If you are one of those who has forgotten...please take some time and educate yourself...and your children. 

We have allowed the schools to stop teaching our children patriotic songs because God is mentioned in them...so patriotism begins to die.  I used to make a "Poppy Poster" in grade school.  Anyone seen one of those lately?  Take advantage of this holiday to teach your children about the good things this Nation of ours offers.  Cut through the politics, the high gas prices, and the problems that we have.  America is a great country and a wonderful place to live.  We must, however, never forget or allow the lessons learned in the  past and paid for with blood to go to waste.

God Bless you all as we get back to work today...and God Bless America...the Land of the Free...BECAUSE of the Brave!!!

Congress Must Be Bored

On the news this morning I heard a story that was talking about the uproar in the Native American community is in over the use of "Geronimo" as a code word in the killing of Osama bin Laden.  Now, Congress is going to have hearings about it.

Really?!  Is that really necessary?  OK, the Native American populace didn't like it...noted.  Now, Congress, move on with your work of taking care of this country.  No need to pander to some oversensitive individuals who didn't like a name you used.  If I'm not mistaken, wasn't Geronimo a great warrior?  Shouldn't they be flattered that we used his name?  I hope they don't find out that as a young boy I used to holler, "Geronimooooo!!" when I jumped off something.  They may file a lawsuit against me.

I think this is one of those times when we need to just ignore such a petty thing and move on.  Congress, get to work dealing with real issues...not a group of people just wanting to blow off steam.

Expectations of My Housewife...

Now that my wife has decided to leave the workforce and become a housewife, I decided that perhaps she could use some guidelines as to what was expected of her.  I did a little research and found these guides to a good housewife.  I believe they fit nicely:

- Have dinner ready.  Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return.  This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

- Prepare yourself.  Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.  His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

- Clear away the clutter.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.  After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

- Prepare the children.  Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.  They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.  Minimise all noise.  At the theme of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

- Be happy to see him.

- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

- Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

- Make the evening his.  Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.  Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

- Your goal:  Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

- Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

- Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

- Make him comfortable.  Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

- Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.  Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.  You have no right to question him.

-  A good wife always knows her place.

Now that I have everyones (at least the womens') blood boiling, this was found by my mother a few years ago in some old papers.  It was an article in Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May 1955.  Though my wife is very much of the mindset of this era as far as duties of a husband and wife, she does not agree with these...nor do I.  They are a bit extreme, but still fun to read.  Hard to believe this was the norm 60 years ago.

I know and understand the importance of my wife and her importance in my life.  As I told her when we discussed her being a housewife..."I bring home the money and the stuff, but she is the one who turns it all into a home".

Please Make the Pain Go Away!!!

Yesterday I stopped at the gas station to fill up my truck.  Yes, unfortunately I own a full-size truck that does NOT get the greatest gas mileage.  However, anything smaller would not do.  Anyway, I dropped about $87.00 into my tank and just shook my head.  I am starting to wonder when I will reach the point of not being able to drive anywhere anymore.

I would like to pose a question.  Should the government step in and regulate the price of gas?  I have a difficult time with oil companies having annual profits of about $30 BILLION as I am paying about $3.80/gal now.  That is about 60 cents more than I paid in February and over a dollar more than I paid before Christmas.   Notice I said "profits"?  That is after payroll, exploration, maintenance, etc.  That is PROFIT!!  I personally think that the oil companies are price fixing.  There is plenty of supply right now and the demand has not increased.  What is going to happen in the summertime?

I would like the government to step in and tell those companies the price will not be over $3.00...period.  I can understand a company being profitable, but tens of billions is ridiculous.  I can't even believe I would be happy with $3!!!  But see, that is what the oil companies want.  Once they have us over a certain threshold, the price will not drop below that.  I will bet that we will never see gas below $3.50 ever again.

If You Eat, You Qualify!!

I am proud to announce that St. Josephs Catholic Church in Hampton, VA has just been granted permission to become a host site for Angel Food Ministries.  We are hoping to get this ministry up and running within the next two months.

I have been using this ministry to supplement my groceries each month for about the past year.  I can honestly say that it has put a huge dent in my bill.  One of the menus was compared with shopping for the same items at Walmart.  The $41 Angel Food Box cost over $91!!  That is a huge savings.

If you have never tried this ministry, or even heard of it, I highly encourage you to follow the link below and just check it out.  Try it...just once!  You will be happy you did.

http://www.angelfoodministries.com/

Can't We Just All Pay the Same?

I know this idea has been kicked around before and usually not with a lot of acceptance.  The idea is that of a flat tax.

To this day, I do not understand why we need to have different tax brackets.  Why doesn't everyone pay the same amount for the services we get from the government?  I drive on the same road the doctor drives on, most likely in a less expensive car, but the same road nonetheless.  Yet, he is expected to pay higher taxes than me?  I will draw from the same social security plan he will, but I pay less for that ability?

I liken it to me and Bill Gates going to a McDonalds and buying a Big Mac.  I go to the window and pay my $5 for the Big Mac and when Bill walks up they say, "Well, Mr. Gates, since you make so much more money than him, you need to pay $10 for your Big Mac".  Does that make any sense to you?  It sure doesn't to me.  So why do we expect the rich to pay higher taxes "because they can"?  We might as well make them pay more for everything because they can.  Let them pay $4/gallon for gas and charge me $2.

Make everyone pay the same percentage without giving tax breaks but for one exception:  charity.  However, to qualify you must donate money or items.  No deductions for church offerings, driving to your Boy Scout meeting, or for volunteer work.  We don't want to discourage charitable giving, but let's keep it realistic.

Get rid of all the tax breaks and tax shelters out there and the taxes we are supposed to be getting to pay for things will be available.  This year my taxes worked out to about 12%.  I am sure most of the rich paid less than 5% with all the tax breaks and shelters. 

I know the arguments, but let's go ahead and put the IRS and all the tax lawyers out of business.  I'm sure they can find something else to do with their knowledge of money...like help the government spend all that tax revenue that will now be coming in, instead of going out.  It will work out in the end that the rich will pay more by simple mathematics.  Let their amount go up fairly, though.  Let them pay the same amount/dollar that I do.  In the end, I end up paying more otherwise because they hide behind the credits and breaks.

Bring around a flat tax and fairness and you can fix the budget problem.

They Should All Be Fired!!!

Today I called all three of my Congressmen to ask them what they are going to do to help me pay my bills when the government shuts down on Friday but I must continue to go to work because I am in the Military.  I asked them what relief I would get from my mortgage not getting paid because Citimortgage is very unforgiving...no answer.  I asked them who was going to pay for my truck...no answer.  I asked who would fill it with gas since I can't let it sit and not go to work...again, no answer.  The last question I asked was whether or not all the Welfare checks would still go out, even though mine will not.  Again, I was given no answer.  I will bet you those welfare checks do go out, those are the people who put Obama into the White House based on empty promises.

The best response I got was from my freshman Representative who told me that a bill was being introduced to fund the Department of Defense through the fiscal year and the rest of the government through another week.  So I asked...and what if that doesn't pass?  NO ANSWER!!!!

I promised them all that if I don't get paid on the 15th and one single welfare check goes out...they won't have to wonder if they will have my vote next time around...they already should know the answer.  And the last thing I told them is that every last one of them, all 535 of them, deserved to be fired for not doing their jobs.

Tip for Saving Money on Your Grocery Bill

Screen shot of Pantry program

Last year I downloaded a recipe program (Living Recipe 2011) that had an added feature, in that it kept track of everything I had in my cupboard.  Being a bit "Type A", I thought this was pretty cool.  When I went Mac, that program no longer worked and I found this program...Pantry. 

I make no claims that this program is any better than any other.  My claim is that any program like this is well worth the cost (this one was free) and the initial investment of time to catalog your cupboards, refrigerator and freezer.  This program, if you are a Mac user, does offer an application that is pretty cheap and allows everyone in the family to see what is on the shopping list.

I was getting tired of going to the grocery store and thinking that I needed cereal, only to get home and already have three boxes of Froot Loops!  With this program, I am able to know exactly what I need, when I need it.  It does require you to keep track of what you use at each meal, but that is so easy.
It is also helpful to make a menu of what you will make for the next week or so, keeping you from randomly purchasing food.  You make the menu, check to see if you have what you need, and buy ONLY what you don't already have in stock.  Since doing this, I have gone from an average grocery visit of just under $200 to between $100-$125. (I shop every two weeks and this amount includes some non-food items)  I am able to also keep track of personal care items, cleaning supplies and other things.

If you want to save some money...put a little bit of work in and this easy to use program, or one like it, will save you a ton!!!

Facebook's Purpose?

The past couple of days have presented me with a difficult situation to tackle in regards to my postings on Facebook.  Truthfully, the situation has always been there, but I have never been called on it by someone to this degree.

So, what exactly should people be putting on their statuses or in their posts on Facebook?  What is its purpose?  Some will say it is a "social networking" site, so you go there to keep in touch with people.  Agreed.  Others have fan pages and pages for causes, so it is there to provide a platform for people to get their messages out.  Agreed again.  But what about those of us who like to combine those two together and along with all our flowery "staying-in-touch" postings like to make our statements about society at large?  And should our friends have anthing to say about what we put on our pages?

I tend to be a very opinionated person and am not afraid to let folks know what I think.  Do I ruffle feathers sometimes?  You bet I do, occassionally in a way that forces me to apologize.  I use my Facebook page in the manner that I see fit.  I put out my flowery stuff, but I also use it as a platform to be a voice for the unborn, who have no voice.  I also use it to defend my Church, and especially the priesthood when I find it being unfairly attacked.

It is my right to post on my Facebook page whatever I want to.  That being said, I do follow some personal standards.  Quite simply, if I wouldn't want my mother to read it, I don't write it.

The problem I have been faced with is that one of my Facebook friends has threatened to defriend me because they are tired of seeing my anti-abortion and religious posts come across their newsfeed.  My first thought was...don't read them then?  After their explanation of why they said that, I had a bit better understanding of their position.  After thinking about it over night...I have decided that they have no right to make that demand.

Each person's Facebook page is a personal expression of themself.  Some people post all fluff, their kids, their travels, sports, politics...all sorts of variety.  I read some, I ignore most.  The point is, if I don't want to read what they have to say, I don't!  However, I do give validity to things that people put on their page.  As foolish and mundane as I may find some postings, to that person, at that time, it was important.  Therefore, I am selective in what I read.

Bottom line...if a friend does not want to read my rants and raves about politics, religion, and a myriad of other topics and finds it too tedius to ignore them and read something else, then defriend me, but you may miss some of that fluff you were wanting as well.  As long as we can still talk and email and the friendship itself is still good, then go ahead, I will not be offended. 

To date, with all my anti-abortion posts, religous postings, and arguments on topics, I have never been defriended.  We usually agree to disagree and appreciate the debate.

To that Facebook friend out there, I hope you do not defriend me, but I cannot be silent.  I will understand if you do and will not be upset.  I would rather you just ignored those postings that you don't want to read.