Another Second Chance Denied

Some time ago, I asked the question, "When DO you deserve a second chance?"  At the time, I was reflecting on all of the hateful comments being made about Michael Vick and his comeback in the NFL.  If you remember, some things being said about him were so bad as to wish him great bodily harm or even death.

This time, it seems that Tiger Woods is the recipient of all the ill-will.  You see, it seems he won a tournament this past weekend, the first for him in about two years.  If you haven't heard, he cheated on his wife, who then divorced him, and his career took a severe slide as he tried to get his act together.

Now, it would appear, instead of people wishing him well now that he may have put his demons behind him, they are calling him names and saying he doesn't deserve a second chance.  That may be true with his former wife, but this is a sport folks.  No one is saying that what he did to his ex-wife was acceptable, but let's allow the man to pick up the mess he made and get back to business.

It reminds me of the zero-defect policies the Army had for many years.  One mistake and you could lose your career.  No more DUIs or fights or anything that would have, for Soldiers in years past, simply been part of maturing and growing up.  An officer getting a DUI had just ended his career.  A Soldier getting into a fight at the club could expect to be sent packing.  I have known a few, very good Sergeants Major in the Army who had been demoted almost as many times as they had been promoted.  By being allowed to make mistakes and learn from them, they had become great leaders.

The same goes for those who are in the spotlight.  No one liked what Michael Vick did.  So now, let's use his lessons and let him move on, using his path as an example to those behind him who look up to him as a quarterback.  Let him teach them that dogfighting and criminal activity is not the path to follow.  Let him also show him that you can pay the price, make amends, and become a better person.  Tiger Woods doesn't need to apologize to me...I wasn't married to him.  Let him try to heal the wounds with his ex-wife and then be an example to those who look up to him.  Let him show kids that you can work through adversity and still become something.  We need to stop showing our youngsters that no matter what you do, once you make a mistake, you will forever be labeled.

Forgiveness is a trait that is far too often left behind.  Compassion needs to be given freely.  It is time to look at someone who made a mistake and is trying to make things better and wish them the best.

Child Pornography... a Thought Crime?

I was reading an a story about the professor who was seen viewing images of 5-10 year-old children nude or performing sex acts.  After reading the article I did what I always do, read through the comments posted by readers.  That is usually where the most interesting stuff is anyway.  Unfortunately, it is also where you can often see the worst our society has to offer.

This is a verbatim comment by a poster: 

Child pornography possesion is a thought crime. I realize i'll be called a pedophile for that comment but i'm sorry. It makes no logical legal or constitutional sense to imprison someone for possesing pictures.

Obviously, the comments that followed were not kind at all.  However, I must admit to having pondered a moment on his comment and the logic he was using.  He did continue by saying that if he was abusing children, then OK, he should be dealt with.  But if his only "crime" was possessing some pictures, then we probably have better things to do with our efforts.  His argument, as well as a couple of other comments, is interesting.

One person commented by saying, "How do we take the physical liberty away from someone who has not taken the physical liberty away from another?"  As I understood him, how do we put this guy in jail just for looking at some pictures.  He didn't produce the pictures or abuse the children.  I am sure this poster was strictly commenting on the pure legal technicalities.  Would that be comparable to arresting a kid who has a bottle of liquor in his hands but the seal is still intact and there is no alcohol on his breath?

It was an interesting way to look at actions which most decent people would automatically condemn.  I do not, in any way, think that the posters were condoning such pictures, they were just looking at the fine lines, I believe, that may exist there. 

Personally, I am of the mind that if the pictures exist, they had to have been created somehow, so therefore a child was abused to do so.  Much like mainstream pornography.  Every one of those men and women in the porn world are some one's brother, sister, even mom or dad.  I know, many of them choose that life and love it...but those children didn't.  So by having those pictures, you create a demand.  By purchasing porn, you create a demand.

I understand the poster's comment and I appreciate the view and the thoughtful moments it caused me.  But I do, wholeheartedly, Mr. realtalker1, disagree with you.

Loose Lips...

I read a story today about how Hezbollah had captured or killed many CIA operatives and had badly crippled the CIA's abilities in Lebanon.

As bad as that is, that isn't the worst part of it.  The worst part is that we are our worst enemies.  The CIA acknowledged the damage...something you never do.  NEVER let your enemy know they were successful.  Of course, they were "anonymous sources not authorized to speak on such issues".  Isn't that always how it is?

Then, the story went on to explain just how it had been done!!!  We have no covert operations anymore.  Everything is there for the world to know about.  As a matter of fact, just the other night, during one of the Republican Debates, those running were discussing what covert operations they would do if elected!  Really?!?!?  You can't have "covert" operations if you are talking about them!  What happened to the CIA being a "secretive" organization?  Remember when we didn't really know about Seal Teams and Delta Force?  No wonder we had such horrible intelligence about Iraq.

It never ceases to amaze me at how easy we make it for our enemies to collect information on us.  All the specifications for a new weapon are on the Internet.  The strengths of our units, the problems and the vulnerabilities of our military.  Even what we are doing in different parts of the world.

There is a time and a place for the public to know what their government is doing.  I would argue, though...that with the way the world is today...the time and place for sacrificing security for a right to know...has not come.

Keep in your prayers, all the men and women in our Intelligence agencies who are put at risk every day by those in our government too stupid to keep their mouths shut.

I Can Officially Stop Parenting

Now that the Government has decided that the HPV vaccine is to be mandatory for boys as well as girls, I guess I can stop making parenting decisions.  It would appear that the Government has taken me out of the equation as an unnecessary and incompetent decision maker.

Let me make this part clear.  I am NOT against the HPV vaccine nor is this about whether or not it is a good or useful or safe vaccine.  My daughter received this vaccine after much research and discussion with her and her doctor.  She received it as a precaution against cervical cancer, which is originally why it was recommended for girls.  Now, it is being pushed as a protective measure against certain STDs, which is an assumption that my daughter is going to be sexually active.

The real heartburn I have with the mandatory use of this vaccination for girls in some states and the recommended (read-soon to be mandatory) for boys, is that this vaccination is for a medical issue that is caused by a choice.

Unlike the past vaccinations for polio or smallpox, which were mandated to wipe out diseases that were extremely contagious or were contracted without certain behaviors, the HPV vaccine prevents ailments contracted by personal choices or actions.

I, as a parent, should be able to decide if my child receives this vaccine, just like a flu shot.  If I am teaching my children about morals and that sexual activity needs to wait for marriage, I don't need the government telling me that my child "is going to do it anyway", so I must vaccinate.  I don't need to protect the girls at school from my son with a shot.  I will protect them by teaching him about premarital sex.  The same goes for my daughters.  If I think the vaccine is good for them, I will get it based on our doctor's recommendation, not because I am forced to.

We, as parents, need to speak out against all this government interference in raising our children.  It is bad enough they have tied our hands behind our backs when it comes to discipline and decided for us when and how our children should be taught about sex.  Now they want to make medical decisions for us, sometimes without our knowledge.  If you want to raise your children the way you think is proper, be a voice against government mandating so much in our childrens' lives.

What is The Meaning of Love?

The other day, my wife, Selena, picked up the latest copy of Real Simple magazine while we were at the grocery store.  At home, as she paged through it, she found an essay contest and suggested that I enter it.  After all, how hard could it be and the prize was $3,000!  After looking at the dates of the contest (May 3, 2011-September 15, 2011) we decided that wouldn't work.  We bought the magazine on September 15, a few minutes before the deadline ended.  Selena  said she had never even seen the contest in earlier magazines, but here the September issue had the contest, which ended that month.  Anyway...I digress...horribly.

The essay contest was "When did you first understand the meaning of love"?  We talked about it for awhile.  Most people may say it was their first love in school, maybe a religious experience, or something with their spouse.  My thoughts first went to my wife.  Did she help me to first understand the meaning of love?  Perhaps how she treats me on a daily basis, how she fixes me a lunch for work, or even how she treats our children.  Mothers often display so many wonderful forms of love, that it should be easy to understand love through them.  But alas, my thoughts went to another fine woman.

I had been driving home with a friend from Washington, D.C. after a business trip and we stopped at a Cracker Barrel for lunch.  We had finished eating and I decided to stop in the restroom before we continued our drive home.  As I entered, I was met with the sounds of people talking and the most horrible bathroom smell you can imagine.  Without being overly descriptive, I mean the outhouse type of a smell.  In one of the stalls, two pair of feet were visible...one male, one female.  These feet were those of an elderly couple.  It was obvious, by the words I heard from the lady, that the man had had a terrible accident.  She was cleaning him up and, it appeared to me, trying to console him a little bit.  After all, I am sure the man was embarrassed and felt a bit of humiliation.

This woman was taking care of her husband in the truest fashion of "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse".  She understood what love meant!!!  She knows what love is...that it is an ACTION VERB, not a noun.  You have to DO love, not be in love, or feel love.  As badly as I felt for that elderly man, I was so happy for him and proud of that woman.  He had a wonderful partner in his life who obviously loved him greatly.

That day, I was able to put aside my having to deal with the "environment" of that bathroom and just be amazed at that display of love.  I think I understand love now...and what unconditional love really is.

Back to School-Continuing Abdication!

Between my three boys, I have signed close to 20 separate pieces of paper during this first week of school.  These range from emergency notification cards (two are in the same school as last year) to letters explaining plagiarism and the punishment for it.

Now.  Some of these have their purpose, quite obviously.  Though two boys are still at the same school, it is important that the school has the most updated information.  We may have gotten a new phone number or maybe I need a new person to be able to pick them up from school.  I have no issue with being involved in my oldest son's desire to drop one class for another and it requiring my signature.  Where I have issue, is when I have to sign so that the school can place responsibility on me...and take none themselves.

What do I mean by that?  Well, as has happened before, if I have signed a paper attesting that I have read the student handbook for the school and what disciplines can/will be used for my child, then I cannot disagree/argue with the school about what they are planning to do to my child.  In this case, the school has used my signature and knowledge of the handbook to abdicate any responsibility they have to administer punishment by using any sort of a system of justice other than zero tolerance or the "same for everyone" approach.  They will not look at two students and judge them based on the individual.  They will punish the first time offender the same as the thug kid.

Our children are also taught that they are irresponsible and untrustworthy until the school no longer has jurisdiction over them (usually age 18 or graduation).  When I was in school, we signed out for our dentist appointment and then walked out to Mom's car.  Now...I have to first sign in as a visitor to walk ten feet down the hallway to the Dean's office, sign out my child, and then bring back proof that I actually took him to the dentist.  I cannot send a note to school, have him meet me at the door with my truck running, and go to the appointment.  And yet, we wonder why our children don't know what to do on their own, why they need so much guidance to do the simplest tasks that we did as kids because we had learned to be independent.

It just seems obvious that with every piece of paper I sign for my boys, the more the school is letting me know that if something happens, they will simply say, "It was in the handbook" or "Didn't you sign the letter we sent home on unexcused absences"?  Why yes I did, isn't being sick with Mono an excused absence?

Before I get of my soapbox, has anyone else had a problem with giving their children medications at school?  I remember going to my grade school secretary for an aspirin.  Now, I can't even send Tylenol to school with my son to give to the nurse without a document from his doctor stating that he can take it.  And don't you dare give your child chap stick!!!!  Oh my!!!  That could be dangerous to other kids!!  Yeah...only if he jammed it in the kid's eye!!

This year, for the first time in over 20 years of having kids in school...I am joining the PTA.  Someone has to stand up and say ENOUGH!!!  We need to get rid of stupid rules and a lack of common sense in schools and make the teachers and administrators take some of the responsibility back for teaching our kids that they have been so eager to abdicate.

Time To Let Go and Let Them Grow...

In one week my little girl will head off to college.  It seems like just yesterday she was that sweet little girl in her cheerleader outfit or her Girl Scout uniform.  Now she is all grown up and wanting to spread her wings...wanting to go out on her own, but still wanting Dad to do some of the heavy lifting for her.

I had a chance to talk with her last night about my concerns for her at college.  I hope you will share some of these things with your new college student, if you have one.

I told her that I knew she was going to drink alcohol in college because that is what happens at college.  I wasn't giving her my approval, just facing reality.  I warned her of the pitfalls (first don't get caught underage), such as how alcohol can sneak up on you, don't drink and drive, etc.  But the most important, I think, that my dad shared with me before I left for the Army, was never ever leave your drink unattended.  You never know what may be dropped into it and that is when you hear about a date-rape or some young person dying from some chemical.

I also made sure she kept in mind to never travel alone, especially at night.  Always walk with someone.  She took a moment to remind me that she IS afraid of the dark and would, therefore, never walk across campus in the dark alone.

The most important point I made to her is that she should have fun at college and experience the things around her.  Don't forget her purpose, but have fun.  I know she will be successful in whatever she does.  I just worry about my little girl like all dads do.

So, send your kid off to college with a hug, maybe a tear or two.  Keep them in your prayers and let them know they can always call you for advice...just don't expect them to always follow it.