Who Should Pay?

While listening to talk radio the other day coming home from work, one of the DJs was discussing his dating.  The discussion of who should pay for things on a date came up.  Now the subject stated that he was "a man" and always paid.  One of the others said he would split with his date and the female in the group said that she often paid her own way.

While I was in high school, I often asked the girl to go dutch.  I had a job but did not make much money.  Once in a while I would pay for both, but sometimes it just wasn't possible.  I too, was of the thinking that the guy should pay for it all, but had to allow her to pay too sometimes out of necessity.

As time wore on, it became more of me paying than not.  Of course, with marriage it all combined anyway.

After my divorce and back into dating again, I paid for most things but allowed the woman to purchase a drink or two if she wanted without letting my ego get bruised.  As I began dating my fiance', I would pay for most things but often she would pitch in to help out.  Now, we often split the cost.  If we go to a movie, one will pay for the movie, the other the snacks.  Splitting the costs of dating or trips seems to take the financial pressure off of each other and allows us a better chance at doing some very awesome things.

As the guy on the radio was talking, I began to disagree with his "I'm a man" theory about having to pay for everything;.  I think a relationship that is going to be equally based should be financially as well. 

What do you think?  Dutch or guy paying it all?  See the poss on this page.

When DO You Deserve a Second Chance?

On Sunday a friend of mine on Facebook posted "Go Redskins" as they were playing the Eagles.  With her being a huge animal lover, I knew she did not want Michael Vick to do well.  Now, she and I poke at each other a lot and have very differing opinions on many things.  So...being who I am, I poked the bear and commented on her post..."Go Vick!" expecting her to respond.  She...did NOT, but a friend of hers did.

Instead, another friend of hers responded with a series of comments wishing bodily harm on Vick.  Now, let me be perfectly clear.  I do not condone what Michael Vick did with his dog fighting.  However, I also am smart enough to see that he did 18 months in prison and has tried to make some sort of amends within the animal lovers community whether it be financially or with volunteer efforts.  I can understand wanting him to fail in his bid to revive his career, or hoping he does poorly.  But to wish another human bodily harm and I quote, "I hope someone breaks Vick's backbone in three places!", is just a little bit more than disturbing.   When will he have done enough to make amends?  Who is to say?  At what point has he repaid that debt and can he be allowed to move on.

The biggest shock I had from this person's posting was that there was so much hatred for the man and such an unwillingness to allow him to have a second chance.  Apparently, no matter what he does, Vick should never, ever be allowed to make a living doing anything, let alone play football.  And cheering after he got hurt reminds me of the Muslims around the world cheering on 9-11 because some of their fellows had attacked the Great Satan.  At some point, he must be allowed to make a living again and provide for his family.

The most disturbing part of this is the misplacement on value of life.  I do not fault this gal's very passionate love of animals, but to put the value of an animal's life above that of a human being just doesn't make sense.  Because he harmed and even killed dogs, he deserves to be hurt.  Or, if I understand this girl's comment correctly, his backbone broken in three places, which would either kill him or paralyze him for life. 

This gal has a zero tolerance policy for an athlete that makes a mistake.  When I asked her why an athlete who gets stopped for DWI, who is accused/convicted of sexual assault, etc. is OK in her books to go ahead and play without her wishing him harm, she told me she didn't care what the other guys did, she was talking about Vick.  But the others matter, because she states that if you do a crime, you should be gone...never to play again.  Zero tolerance, no chance to make amends, no second chance.  In her form of justice, it would seem that an eye for an eye is totally acceptable.  Steal and lose your hand.

To my friend who had the joy of hosting this post...I am sorry that my attempt to get your goat a little bit brought this upon your page.  I was just trying to give you a good-natured poke. You commented later on that Vick is a thug and had weapons charges and gambling issues.  I am not sure of those, you may be right.  But if they are true, should we still wish him bodily harm.  Our love for our pets and other animals aside, should we really put the value of an animal above the value of a human?  If that were true, no woman could ever wear makeup, for it was the unfortunate suffering of a rabbit that allows you to now put eyeliner and other makeup near your eyes and on your face.

The mistreatment of animals is not to be condoned, but neither should be, the desire for harm upon a person.

How Is Your Life Blessed?

With all the crazy things going on in the world; fear of terrorism, the economy, societal issues, it is easy for me to see how truly blessed I am.  I am currently on a business trip and have left my two teen-aged children at home, basically alone with my fiance' stopping in to cook them evening meals.  All I had asked her to do is cook meals for them.  But, in her usual fashion, that is not enough.  Last night she sat down with my daughter and discussed graduation and the items that would be needed to be purchased.  They discussed her graduation pictures, which my fiance' will be taking.  They discussed, bonded, and grew together further.

My son asked her to help him get his uniform ready for NJROTC for school.  She is right there to help him.  He has also become comfortable enough to sit down and discuss problems he his having in his life with her.  He even uses her to talk to me on his behalf.  She is one of my true blessings.  She never stops amazing me with her love for me and her willingness to take care of me and my children. 

Of course, the biggest blessings in my life are my kids.  One is in college but continues to think of his family and helps when he can with issues.  He is always there for me when I need to bounce an idea off him.  My daughter and I have had our challenges this year.  At 17, she is anxious to grow up, but still wants her daddy to take care of things.  So, with a lack of communication between us, we have had some issues.  We had a rough week a while back but we sat down, talked it over, and we are better now than before.  Her attitude has completely changed and seems like a new person.  I think she has done more than me, so I must do more.  My youngest has just continued to amaze me.  He has jumped on the whole idea of becoming a "big brother" to my fiance's two young boys.  He has watched them for us when we have needed him to and he lets them hang around with him all the time.  He has been so patient and tolerant.  He is going to be a great big brother.

Now for those two young additions to my life.  Each with his own, very unique personality and prior life with mom and dad, they present me with a challenge, but they have absolutely been another blessing in my life.  Watching and dealing with the 5-year-old has been tough at times, but at others has been comic relief.  These two boys are a wonderful addition to my life and I hope I can be a good father-figure to them as I feel I was to my own three.

I am also blessed with an awesome job, great friends, and relative health.  These are but a few of the blessings that I have been given.  They truly are too numerous to mention.  The Lord has made me a very rich man...richer than I had ever hoped to be. 

What are your blessings?  Are they your talents? Your friends?  Do you take advantage of your blessings and share them with others?

Answers to a Facebook String

Yesterday a link I posted was commented on and linked to another friend's wall.  There it became a much more heated discussion than on my own wall.  The full string can be found here: 

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1532359768&v=wall&story_fbid=151176928254265&ref=notif&notif_t=share_reply

One of the posters had some very passionate and insightful comments and unfortunately, deleted them all.  However, another poster, whom I have known for years, added his comments and quickly, so it seemed, took a very aggressive tone and asked some very direct questions, which I will respond to here...instead of on my friend's Facebook wall.  So, here we go:

Comment 1:  Ok let's start with. "the bible is a catholic book. We gave it to them (Protestants).". How does that work?

Doug (we'll call him Doug since that is his name), the Bible was put together by the Church Fathers.  A "canon" was opened, the books were chosen and the "canon" closed, never to be reopened and has never been questioned.  The New Testament in a King James version Bible is the same as one that I would use in my Catholic faith.  It is the Old Testament that differs a bit.  The books that were decided upon were chosen out of many books at the time.  The four Gospels are not the only ones written, but they were decided upon by the council that opened and closed the canon.  The New Testament canon was merely a process of formal recognition of already recognized scripture that was being used in the early Church, to defend against the various forms of Gnosticism and heresy that were starting to creep throughout the ever-expanding church.

To be able to truly accept this however, will necessitate a person to first accept the fact that "The Church" that is spoken about in history at the time of this canon, was the early Catholic Church.  If you cannot, or will not accept the fact that the Catholic Church of today is the same church that Jesus Christ created then you will be unable to follow my logic.  All other churches, Protestant, broke away from the Catholic Church...it is a historic FACT.

Continuing on, following this logic then can only lead you to see that if the Catholic Church in it's early years put the writings of the Church into the New Testament, then the Bible you open today, came from the Catholic Church.  Not too hard to follow really.  And, by the way, King James never did endorse the version of the Bible that bears his name today.

Comment 2:  Then let's go to how you talk to a fictitious character that, according to your story, died 2000 years ago (where do you get that Mary is a supernatural being that has current communication with a deity. If your Mary could sway the opinion/action of a deity doesn't that make her a deity. Does that make a quadrinity?)

First of all, I am going to move past the "fictitious character" part of this comment since Christians accept the fact that Mary existed, which is what I am presuming Doug is arguing.  And if it is Jesus Christ you are questioning the existence of, then I offer the same argument.  How do I know Pocahontas existed?  Because history books say so.  Weren't you raised Lutheran, Doug?  Enough said on this point.

No one is saying that Mary is a "supernatural being".  She is one of the Saints and is in Heaven.  Stay with me, Doug, as I am speaking as a Catholic so I am writing from my beliefs.  She would obviously have a very special relationship with her son, would she not?  So, though I can pray directly to Him, and I do, I can also pray to her for her assistance...her "intercession".  So I ask her to pray for me as well, to assist me in my requests from her son, whether it be for good health, a successful job interview, etc.  Here is the simplest way to put it.  My son wanted to begin getting his allowance back.  He wasn't sure how to approach me (Father/God) about it, so he asked my fiance' (Mother/Mary) to talk to me about it, to lay the groundwork, so to speak.  He asked her to "intercede" for him on his behalf.  Pretty simple idea, really.  Does my fiance's ability to sway me (Father) make her a father?  No, she is still the "mother".

The reason non-Catholics have such heartburn with how we view Mary is because they don't understand.  We do not worship her, we honor her, we venerate her.  Nowhere in the Church teachings or beliefs are we "required" to pray to her, to honor her or anything.  Many people do because we believe in the power of her intercession.  If you look at the prayer, "Hail Mary", you will see that the first half is from her visit to her cousin Elizabeth.  The second half is where we ask her to "pray for us sinners", for her help.

Comment 3:  Oh and you screwed up f*&?#*s (I PG-Rated the word) equate women clergy with pedophiles? Yeah let's discuss.

I don't know who the "screwed up f*&?#*s" are that he is referring to, but if he means ME, since I am the one who wrote in this string, allow me to clarify his error.  First of all, I did not equate them with pedophiles and it is my reasoning that the reason the Vatican did so was to show the gravity of the problem.  For a Bishop to ordain a female would be commiting a sin that is considered on the same level as that of pedophilia, that is what they are saying.  In the eyes of the Church, as I understand it, that false ordination is that serious.  As I wrote in a string on the same topic on my wall when discussing the "ordination" of these women...performing the duties of a Priest (under false ordination) is blasphemy. Unlike the protestant churches, our Priests are so much more than a speaker behind a pulpit. Our whole Mass is focused around the Eucharist...where we believe that the bread and wine ACTUALLY BECOMES the Body and Blood of Christ. Not a symbol, no pretending...the real thing. So, to not have the authority of the Church to conduct the Mass, you are against it and therefore shall be excommunicated.  That is how grave this issue is considered by the Church.

To Doug and to anyone else who would like to have a serious discussion about what Catholics believe on any given topic, I am ready and willing to answer any and all questions about the Church to the best of my ability.  If  I don't know the answer or am not sure of it, I will find you the correct answer.  So many Protestants have misconceptions about what Catholics believe because they have been misinformed.  Who knows, maybe I too, will learn some more about my Faith.

Enough Already!!!

   Imagine my "surprise" this morning when I opened up CNN.com for my morning review and noticed a nice big picture of Pope Benedict with a story heading about another person getting ready to sue the Pope about what he knew about the pedophile cases.  When will CNN finally let the story go and let the process work its way out!? 

   Did anyone see, other than on my Facebook page, the story about the two teachers who were having sex parties in their homes with teenagers over the summer?  I doubt it!!!  It was hidden in some obscure paper in Georgia and only placed on The Drudge Report.  Apparently, that is not newsworthy enough for the mainstream media.  But a young man alleging sex abuse at a school for the deaf in Wisconsin is CNN Headline news!  Wow! 

   Once again, the media buries the sensationalism of teacher sex parties with another story about priest sex abuse so as to keep the anti-Catholic hatred flowing.  I am so glad I used my Journalism degree to get a commission in the Army so I don't have to work with the bottom feeders on this planet.

Pope's Visit Exposes Anti-Catholicism

Pope Benedict's visit to England has been greeted with protests and negative media. It pains me to see such hateful speech and slander thrown the direction of a man such as him, much with no intelligent thought put into the words at all.

I understand that the Church has had to deal with sexual abuse of children and has not always done so quick enough or harshly enough. Most Catholics do not deny that the Church has had its challenges throughout history. I challenge you to find me one religion that has not. So let me make it clear that this blog entry in no manner is meant to trivialize what has happened to some people in the past at the hands of some deviant priests. But let's remember that not all priests are like that, and that not only priests do those horrible things...so do pastors, school teachers, doctors...etc.

As I have read the stories about the Pope's visit to the UK, I also read the comments at the bottom of the stories. I am amazed at how incredibly hateful they are. Many are also unbelievably inaccurate. One opinion piece was filled with so many half-truths about the Catholic Church that it completely misled the reader. False statements about why women cannot be priests, half truths about IVF and stem cell research. When uneducated, biased people spread their view of the Church without finding out the real reason for a practice, or teaching, or belief, it does nothing more than spread the hate. Just once, I would love to have a Protestant (especially a Baptist, since they are the most anti-Catholic religion out there) sit down with me and ask me to explain some beliefs of the Catholic Church to them. We are called idolaters, worshippers of Mary, blasphemers, all due to what they have been told or taught by someone who doesn't know the reasons or the teachings of the Catholic Church. Try to sit down an have that conversation though and it inevitably turns to an argument because the Protestant does not want to listen. They are more comfortable with their ignorance and hate. Not very Christian if you ask me.

So why this incredible anti-Catholic fervor these days? Is it really because of the sex abuse? If that were the case, we better hate all teachers because of the few who had sex with their students. Or is that OK because it was a woman and a boy? Or because it was not a religious person? Seems like a double standard at the least, and sheer hatred at the worst.

For those Catholics who were abused by a priest and have left the Church because of it...I think you made a mistake. It was the priest who abused you, not the Church. If it was covered up, it was not the Church who condoned it, but the people running it. It is during times such as those that you must turn to God and seek His help in bearing with your anguish. Forgiveness is a wonderful thing and lifts a mighty load off your shoulders.

I leave this posting with a piece from my parish priest he read to my Knights of Columbus group one evening: "I put up with the Church in the hopes it will some day be better, just as the Church puts up with me, in the hopes that I will some day be better."

What's In A Name?

Have you ever wondered why the check-out person at the grocery store has a name tag? Why does the sales clerk at the shoe store have a name tag? Is it so that if I am given rude service or substandard service, I can easily identify that person to the manager? I would venture to say that in the vast majority of instances, that is when MOST people notice a name tag.

One of the first things I noticed about my fiance', Selena, was that she always said "Hi" or struck up a conversation with a clerk by using their name. At first I found that "different", but then I tried it and found that my interactions with these people were more enjoyable. It became a more "personal" experience.

The other day I was driving through the front gate of the military installation I work at. There were a few cars ahead of me and I noticed the guard, checking the ID cards of the drivers in a typical ho-hum, bored manner. I mean, how exciting can that be, right? When I pulled up, as I now try to do, I looked for the name tag. I opened my window and greeted the guard with a cheerful, "Good morning Mr. "Jones"". His face brightened and a smile appeared and he greeted me much more warmly than he had been the others. He felt noticed!! Sometimes you notice some unusual names that become part of the interaction between you.

I think this is one of the most valuable lessons I have learned over the past few years...one that is easy to do and makes a difference almost every time. Yes, sometimes the person has no personality and would just as soon have you get out of their line...but usually, the response is a smile and cheerfulness.

Next time you are at the grocery store, or a restaurant, or anywhere that the person helping you has a name tag on...take the time to notice the name and use it as you talk to the person. Not only will you notice the pleasant reaction from that person, you too, will get something out of it.