Selena and I Go To Washington!

My wife, Selena, and I had the honor of an audience with Senator John Thune, R-SD this past Wednesday (July 20).  When I had originally asked to speak with him, we were given 30 minutes to speak with him.

With great anticipation, I prepared for the meeting by getting my issues together that I wanted to address:  Post 9-11 GI Bill, DOMA, and other military related topics.  We drove the 3 1/2 hours to Washington, DC for our meeting at 3:30pm.  We wisely parked outside the city and took the Metro to a stop near his office, putting us in his outer office at 3:20. 

At exactly 3:30, two of his staff came out and got us and we went into a conference room and began to brief them on our issues.  I have dealt with Senate staffers before, so I knew that talking to them was like talking to the Senator himself.  After a few minutes, Senator Thune came in the room.  The first thing I noticed was that he was very tall...and he smiles a lot.  Not a fake, politician smile, his comes across as genuine.

I quickly rehashed my first topic and he asked questions and we continued.  He showed genuine interest and never took his eyes off us as we spoke to him and shared our thoughts and concerns.  At one point, his secretary entered the room and, after excusing herself for the interruption, told him he had a phone call.  Without missing a beat or moving his eyes from us, he dismissed her with an "I'll be there in a minute".  Not once did he lose focus on the people he was there to talk to.  At that moment, no matter who was on that phone, we were what was important to him.  It really made us feel good, that he understood that we had traveled a long way to see him and we deserved his full attention.

About five minutes later, he said he better go, but not until after some pictures.  He was such a good person to talk to.  It was like sitting down with one of my brothers and telling him about my concerns.   We asked him to continue to keep up the pro-life fight to which he responded, and I quote, "That's a no-brainer".  After thanking him again, he left us to his staffer again who let us expand on our thoughts. 

We left that meeting floating on air with a feeling that our Senator had made us feel so important to his job and that he believed what we were saying was important.  I would love to see Senator Thune run for President someday.  I can guarantee him at least two votes.

Totally Different Books

After having a very heated discussion on gay marriage on one Facebook thread and a very respectful and adult discussion on another, I came to the realization that this topic cannot be discussed by people with differing opinions.  Not only are the two sides not on the same page, they aren't even in the same book!!!  Stay with me here...

Normally, in a discussion on gay marriage, the pro side says "Good for the gays"! and the con side says, "Bad for society/family"!  The discussion then turns into a slinging of names, accusations of homophobia, being judgemental, and hate, etc.  For the record, in EVERY one of my discussions, my dissenting opinion was attacked and I was called names.  I was chastised for not being tolerant, yet my view was not tolerated.

This issue has two distinct ways to look at it, in my opinion.  First, there is the secular side, secondly...there is the religious side.  Let's look at each one.

Gay marriage...secular sided:  When you look at gay marriage from a secular point of view, it is very hard to argue that it should not be allowed.  In fact, I am not sure I could come up with one.  Do two people of the same sex have the right to enter into a legal contract that will allow them to share medical benefits, property, and other legal stuff just like heterosexual couples can?  You bet!  I have no problem with two men or two women calling themselves a couple and having the other on their insurance or whatever.  I am not sure I see a lack of equality anywhere, since civil unions have been around in many states for quite a while, but yes; I do think that if a gay couple wants to enter into a civil union, they should be allowed to.  From a secular, contractual point of view, it is OK.  After all, all marriages start out downtown with a marriage license as a legal contract and are, in essence, nothing more than an agreement for the exchange of goods and services between the two parties who signed that contract. 

Gay Marriage...religion sided:  Here is where the big problem begins.  Most religions do not look at gay marriage as being proper.  I am going to speak from the Christian view since I am a Catholic.  Marriage, from a religious standpoint, is not simply looked at as a contract, but a sacred covenant between a man and a woman and God.  Before you get all excited, I understand that two men or two women can love each other just as strongly as a man and a woman can.  That is not what is at question. There are Biblical references to man and woman: The first to be quoted is always Genesis 1:27-28 to paraphrase, "He made them male and female and told them to be fruitful and multiply. There are also references to the sinfulness of homosexuality...not "being" homosexual, but acting on it. Leviticus 18:22 states, "You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; such a thing is an abomination.  Both of these quotes are from the Old Testament, so cannot be written off as strictly Christian rules.  There are many more references throughout the bible which condemn homosexual behavior, but not the homosexual. 

From a religious view, marriage exists for procreation, thus the reason the Catholic Church does not support birth control and especially abortion.  If you cannot (health issues aside) create children with a sexual act, the marriage is useless.  I will not go into sterile parents and other side issues here. 

The point is that you cannot have two men have sex and produce a child.  God's intent for marriage cannot be met.  Imagine if Adam and Eve had been Adam and Steve.  In a few years the human race would have been gone.  Sex is not meant to be a recreational sport but to be a unifying act between a husband and wife...an act of intimacy...that opportunity for the "two to become one".  Thus, many Christians are OK with there being civil unions for homosexual couples, allowing them to have the same secular rights as heterosexual couples.   However, it is when homosexual couples want that union to be called a marriage, or to be performed by a minister, that many Christians cry foul.

There is also the debate about the family structure and the need for both parents.  I do not believe that a child will do just as well with two dads or two moms as he/she would with one of each.  A girl needs a mother to learn girl stuff and a boy needs a father to learn boy stuff.  We have gender specific roles and ways we do things for a reason...because God wanted it that way.

You will notice that the number of words needed to support gay marriage in the secular sense was far less than the number used to show why, religiously, gay marriage should not be allowed.  As I said in the beginning, their really isn't an argument to be made against gay marriage if you look at it strictly from a secular view.  Yet there is a strong argument, with much Biblical and historical/societal reference to back the argument against.

I do not believe this is a topic that can ever be discussed without agreeing first about which side of the debate you are going to discuss...secular or religious.  And in order to have the debate from a religious standpoint, the person on the side of gay marriage should really be religious and believe in their faith.  Otherwise, it is a useless talk.

It Must Be Me!

Once again, a dissenting view on a topic has caused me to be accused of "bashing" someone.  I am a bit confused as to how a person, when presented with a comment, makes a statement contrary to that comment and is called names for their view.

People post many things on Facebook.  We tell people how we feel each day, how the weather is where we are, and sometimes even all the little, trivial things we need to get done that day.  Some even make statements that are political, religious, societal, or even all of those rolled into one.  Then, they are surprised when someone they are "friends" with, comments on that status with something not in line with their way of thinking.  Why do people make any statements if they are not actually looking for a reaction?  When we make the comment about how our cute kitty just caught its first bird, we are looking for comments.   It would seem to me that if you do not want anyone commenting on the status you just posted on a political issue, stick to the status that reads, "got up, ate cereal, lots of laundry to do before class".  Hard to get into a debate over that one!

I guess I am wondering when debate between sides went away and the dissenting side became "bashers".  Do they still have debate teams in high schools or are they "bashing" teams.  When candidates for the Presidency have debates, they disagree about the other person's view on different things but aren't considered to be bashing them.  Why has common disagreement over an issue become grounds for name calling.

Is there a standard protocol for Facebook?  Am I not allowed to comment on a friends post unless I agree with it?  Is Facebook, a social network, not the "proper place" for discussions concerning politics, religion, or societal issues?  If not on Facebook, where?

I have been called a "troll" because I comment on posts that strike me.  The accusation being that I do it just to make people angry.  Not true.  Usually, it is because I consider what the person has said to be flawed in some way...often times, just plain factually wrong.  So if I comment with the opposite view, isn't that allowed?  Is that why Facebook only has a "Like" button?

I enjoy good debate, discussion, argument, whatever you want to call it, on many topics.  Unfortunately, it seems most people want to place things in their statuses and then not have to defend their position.  So why put it there in the first place.  If that's the case, see suggested status above.

To me, Facebook is a place for a person to share as much of themselves as they want.  Anything from kids' activities, to relationship problems, to personal views, to how they felt about the American Idol results.  If you put it all out there, you have to be ready for someone to respond in a way you don't like.

I don't want all my friends to agree with me all the time.  Conversations get boring if there is no one to talk a differing opinion.  To my Facebook friends who think I'm nothing more than a troll and looking to pick a fight....I am sorry you feel that way, but I will not stop.  I would hope that you would engage in a meaningful discussion and keep the name calling for the playground.  I enjoy having all my Facebook friends that I have and hate losing any over disagreements on topics.  Sometimes, it is best to agree to disagree.

Does anyone else run into this problem?  If not...then it must be me.

The Tone of Voice

This poem was provided during a marriage seminar I attended.  It is a great reminder that it is not just the words we use with our spouses, our children, our friends, but also how we use those words.  It is so easy to slip into a voice that is too stern for what we are trying to convey to a child.  A well-intended comment to a child can sometimes come across as anything other than that...just by the tone of voice.  I battle this one often.  You want to simply tell a child "no", but it comes out worse.  You call them to supper and the child doesn't want to come because your voice has that "tone".  One of my children today was asked if he understood what I had just said.  He said yes so quietly I did not hear him.  When I asked again, he answered in such a way as to sound like he was telling me, "You fool, can't you hear me as I stand next to you?"  His tone to me was disrepectful, though I know he did not mean it that way.  Ironically, we were having a conversation about the tone of voice.  Please enjoy this poem....and be aware of your tone of voice.

THE TONE OF VOICE

Author Unknown

It's not so much what you say

As the manner in which you say it;

It's not so much the language you use

As the tone in which you convey it:

"Come Here," I sharply said,

And the child cowered and wept.

"Come Here," I said - -

He looked and smiled

And straight to my lap he crept.

Words may be mild and fair

And the tone may pierce like a dart;

Words may be soft as the summer air

But the tone may break my heart;

For words come from the mind

Grow by study and art - -

But tone leaps from the inner self

Revealing the state of the heart.

Whether you know it or not,

Whether you mean or care,

Gentleness, kindness, love, and hate,

Envy, anger, are there.

Then, would you quarrels avoid

And peace and love rejoice?

Keep anger not only out of your words --

Keep it out of your voice.

Best Memorial Day...EVER!!!

When I was growing up  in small-town South Dakota (yes, there are towns other than small), my mother would take me to the cemetery each year to place flowers on the graves of our family members and remember them.  I always enjoyed finding the ones with the little flags on them that were placed by the local American Legion.  We have had a lot of family serve our country.  Then, early on Memorial Day, we would travel to the two cemeteries in town for the small ceremonies conducted by the American Legion.  Of course, as a small boy, my favorite part was the 21-Gun-Salute...and I would help the men from the Legion pick up the bullets so they could use them again.

Over the years, I haven't made it to as many Memorial Day ceremonies as I would have liked to...or just flat out should have!  I went to one a couple of years ago with my kids and then yesterday, I went to the ceremony at the Hampton National Cemetery where my wife and the boys and I had helped place flags on the markers this past Friday.

Major General Longo from Ft. Monroe was the keynote speaker.  Instead of remembering only those who were gone and represented by the many marble stones that were in the field before us, he asked us to remember especially those who went off to war and did not die, yet still came home less than what they were when they left.  He share two stories with us, the most significant was the one he told about his father.

Lieutenant Colonel Longo had been a Chemical Officer in Vietnam.  He went away for one year, 1967-68.  When he returned, he was a very different man.  General Longo shared how his father would wake up every night for 34 years screaming that "she has a bomb, she has a bomb!"  He would not wake up until his wife would hit him hard enough to rouse him from his nightmare.  As General Longo stated, "this happened every night for 34 years until death mercifully freed him from his nightmare".  I can only imagine how difficult it was for his wife as well.  So now, Memorial Day has a new meaning for me.  We must not forget the unseen wounds that return from war or the families and friends of those service men and women who also often have to deal with the tragedies of war.

Colonel Reyes, at the Fort Monroe ceremony an hour later, was not the keynote speaker, but said words that meant so much more to me that I can't even remember the main idea of the keynote speaker's speech.  COL Reyes spoke about how the Memorial Day holiday has lost its meaning.  Years ago there were parades with military units, Veteran's organizations, and bands...lots of bands.  Now, most parades are gone...too "expensive" to organize and put on.  I can't imagine how expensive it could be to have people line up along a road and walk, but maybe I don't know all the details.  Plus, that would be inconvenient during a "long weekend".  As we sat at Continental Park, I remarked to my wife how it was unfortunate that the small crowd that was in attendance would be dwarfed by the crowd that will be there at the weekly concert by the TRADOC Band on Thursdays.  The crowd should have been just as large.

Now, Memorial Day is the "unofficial beginning of Summer".  It is when swimming pools open or the mall has a big sale.  It is a day when so many of the people of this great Nation forget what this day is really for.  I would like to applaud all my Facebook friends who DID remember what this day is about and posted appropriately.  If you are one of those who has forgotten...please take some time and educate yourself...and your children. 

We have allowed the schools to stop teaching our children patriotic songs because God is mentioned in them...so patriotism begins to die.  I used to make a "Poppy Poster" in grade school.  Anyone seen one of those lately?  Take advantage of this holiday to teach your children about the good things this Nation of ours offers.  Cut through the politics, the high gas prices, and the problems that we have.  America is a great country and a wonderful place to live.  We must, however, never forget or allow the lessons learned in the  past and paid for with blood to go to waste.

God Bless you all as we get back to work today...and God Bless America...the Land of the Free...BECAUSE of the Brave!!!

Congress Must Be Bored

On the news this morning I heard a story that was talking about the uproar in the Native American community is in over the use of "Geronimo" as a code word in the killing of Osama bin Laden.  Now, Congress is going to have hearings about it.

Really?!  Is that really necessary?  OK, the Native American populace didn't like it...noted.  Now, Congress, move on with your work of taking care of this country.  No need to pander to some oversensitive individuals who didn't like a name you used.  If I'm not mistaken, wasn't Geronimo a great warrior?  Shouldn't they be flattered that we used his name?  I hope they don't find out that as a young boy I used to holler, "Geronimooooo!!" when I jumped off something.  They may file a lawsuit against me.

I think this is one of those times when we need to just ignore such a petty thing and move on.  Congress, get to work dealing with real issues...not a group of people just wanting to blow off steam.

Expectations of My Housewife...

Now that my wife has decided to leave the workforce and become a housewife, I decided that perhaps she could use some guidelines as to what was expected of her.  I did a little research and found these guides to a good housewife.  I believe they fit nicely:

- Have dinner ready.  Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return.  This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

- Prepare yourself.  Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

- Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.  His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

- Clear away the clutter.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

- Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then run a dust cloth over the tables.

- Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.  After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

- Prepare the children.  Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.  They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.  Minimise all noise.  At the theme of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

- Be happy to see him.

- Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

- Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

- Make the evening his.  Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.  Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

- Your goal:  Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

- Don't greet him with complaints and problems.

- Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

- Make him comfortable.  Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

- Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

- Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.  Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.  You have no right to question him.

-  A good wife always knows her place.

Now that I have everyones (at least the womens') blood boiling, this was found by my mother a few years ago in some old papers.  It was an article in Housekeeping Monthly, 13 May 1955.  Though my wife is very much of the mindset of this era as far as duties of a husband and wife, she does not agree with these...nor do I.  They are a bit extreme, but still fun to read.  Hard to believe this was the norm 60 years ago.

I know and understand the importance of my wife and her importance in my life.  As I told her when we discussed her being a housewife..."I bring home the money and the stuff, but she is the one who turns it all into a home".